IN THE STRUGGLES BY JOHNNY GIROUX

I am afraid to be vulnerable. 

(Naturally, this vulnerable blog post is hard for me to share.) 

I have always been afraid of people seeing me as I truly am. I am not one to share my true self with people freely and willingly. 

When I asked a friend to describe me in one word, he replied, “Onion”. 

I often hide behind layers of humor and charm, but in my inner layers I am battling. 

Every day I am in a battle against temptation; a battle against the clock; a battle against distraction; a battle against people’s view of me, a battle against my view of myself. 

I get frustrated with hard work, and I get annoyed with people. 

I am addicted to people liking me. 

I want to be good enough; but I do not want to be too good to become noticeable. 

I fear that I am inadequate, yet I also fear I am powerful beyond all measure. 

I’m disorganized. 

I tell people that I am a free thinker and that I don’t succumb to peer pressure, but I do both of these things way more than I will admit. 

I am way too good of friends with comfort. 

I constantly desire to teach people something instead of just sharing who I am with them. 

I abhor practicing anything; I always just want the outcome without putting in the work. 

What drives my creativity? 

An acknowledgement of these struggles, and yet a refusal to stay where I am.